Will I ever open up again?

I’ve reached a point in my life where I choose to be alone or with few people who genuinely care about me.

I’m not interested in small talk, and I rarely open up to anyone. I’ve had ups and downs in my life that few people are aware of. Some people gave up on me, and I gave up on some, so many tears, good memories, bad memories, some wins, some failures, and everything in between. Earlier I used to share things with people, talked to them when I was low but now things have changed.

People have no idea how I feel. It’s more of whatever I want them to know about me that they get to see. Perhaps I don’t trust people as easily as I used to. I’ve run out of energy to justify myself, and I’ve reached the point in my life where I don’t care what other people think of me. I let people judge me because I am fully conscious of who I am.

In life, I believe that quality is more important than quantity. I’m not sure how far I’m correct. I need something that can excite me to talk to someone. I’d rather listen to others than talk about myself. I started keeping things to myself. I no longer bother people. It takes a lot of courage to open up to someone.

I’d rather listen to music and watch series than explain my emotional state to others. I’m fine with only a few people knowing the real me.

I’m not sure if I should blame my experiences, people, or myself for this shift. Or perhaps it’s a good thing. Because, at the end of the day, I am proud of who I am. I’m happy and at ease.

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The Journey

A Goodbye

At Least I deserve a Goodbye!

Back to the time from our cute meet, to the time of our last meet, I kept gazing at your face and boggled if I could ever meet these eyes again. A volcano of emotions erupted, my voice thinned, I wanted to say a lot, share a lot – my insecurities, my dream & fear.

Little did I know that I will be disappointed again not by the behaviour but by the order of events that just happened. I wished that I could see all this coming and wondered how my life would have been different if I would have never met you.

Sharing different places is tough, some say, but I ponder how fascinating it can be to never let that one person go that way.

With all these words of mine, I kept waiting for the last GoodBye, at least I deserved one.

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When in Doubt be Kind

Wings of Fire

Amazon Link –https://www.amazon.in/gp/product/B0847V9BYD/ref=ox_sc_saved_image_1?smid=A36U0EWSRKP9BO&psc=1

Genre– Autobiography

Our Take on the Book-

For all your days prepare

and meet them ever alike

When you are the anvil, bear-

When you are the hammer, strike.”

This book taught me you win some battles, lose some of them, and then there are battles you barely survive but always make sure you fight through them all with you got because only then magic happens. It is the journey through one’s struggle and memories but what it does for us is to motivate us to take the leap of faith we all are so scared of. Because trust me till the time you are expecting to find the future you to catch you, you would never fall.

The best thing about this book is the relationships, the complexity, the prejudice within them, and finally the ability to overcome this prejudice. The book showcased friendship in a new form. Kalam was more successful than either one of his friends but he never saw it like that. He didn’t see successful rather preferred happiness. And till the time you are happy in your lives, I guess you did succeed after all. Don’t adhere to the standards this society sets. Because if we all do that Kalam would have been a ticket collector at best and we wouldn’t have got one of the most knowledgeable president and scientist of all time. Or shall I refer to him as the great visionary. We need to realize no one other than ourselves can tell the best possible outcome or path for us.

One of my favourite memories of Kalam would be while he was at MIT and was struggling to finish his work within deadline. And he asked his teacher to extend the deadline. On refusal, Kalam not only executed what was expected of him but also with a precision that wasn’t expected by even his teacher.

 You must have seen the post on social media in which they said you can clean a room in three days if that’s what you decide or in three hours if that is what you decide for yourself. I will add the post just to avoid any confusion thanks to my horrible explanation.

Our dreams take exactly the time we decide we will need. So stop adding the time to procrastinate and get your ass to work. Because an idea without execution is a waste. Failure should not be a concern to people who are not even willing to try. You would take the risk once it becomes a necessity and not an option.

The best kind of motivation can be found in the pages of the lives of the people who should have given up but decided not to. And Kalam’s life has always been a work of art and this book is no less than just that.

Read our take on the famous “Pride and Prejudice”:

Home

home

When people say home is where you belong, they are generally referring to people that make you feel belonged. But why can’t it be a place literally? Your place. One can belong among the shelves decorated with beautiful books, the laziness of the couch, or the warmth of the bed.

Why is it for a woman that her home shifts from her parents to her in-laws? Where is the place that she could call her own? I want a place whose floor has seen my tears, the couch has seen my laughter, and the bedroom my loneliness and sorrow. This place is an emotion not an establishment of bricks. I want to experience the feeling of being able to say this is my place and till you are under my roof you follow my rules. (Just kidding or am I. I will leave that to your imagination).

It isn’t something that is born out of a sense of independence rather from a need to belong. It is one’s greatest and happiest achievement. I want to learn to survive on my own, to live like chaos, and then clean up after that mess, my mess. I want a place that is just mine and the comfort of knowing that every inch of it screams me. Everything has a memory, I have decorated it with my own hands, it is part of so many memories of mine until it becomes a memory of mine. It is the place I belong, Alone.

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When in Doubt be Kind

The Journey

The Relationship Code

Have you ever been asked, “What type of relationship do you want?”
To the people of our generation, I am sure that the answer to this question is YES. People think – people who have been single for too long are the hardest to love. But the real question is, what is LOVE? It’s a highly subjective term. My friends often berate me for never even dating someone.


“How will you know what you want and what you can’t tolerate in a partner?” They say. A few days ago, I began to question myself the same. But I believe that everyone knows what they want in a relationship. I agree that I don’t have a clear picture of what an ideal relationship looks like, but let me generalize this.


I believe we all want to be loved for who we are. We can’t act like someone else for a long time in front of others. As a result, someone who accepts us for who we are, without passing any judgment, is important. Someone with whom we can be completely honest and forthright about everything.


We want a relationship where we don’t have to constantly explain ourselves as it might be tiring. We want a best friend that will always be there for us and would understand us simply by hearing our voice.


We want a relationship in which the other person is making the same efforts as we are. A relationship should not be one-sided, with only one person bearing responsibility for its upkeep. We want the other to understand that he or she should not expect us to change our basic nature. No one has the power to change one’s core nature. We should adjust, but I don’t believe anyone would accept compromise. You can’t expect someone to change their choices only to make a relationship work. We want someone who will not expect us to be someone else or compare us to others.


We want someone who will be honest with us when he or she is upset and will not keep a record of our mistakes. It’s completely acceptable to have differing viewpoints, likes, and dislikes. But the question is whether the person will be honest with us and will not drag out the fights for too long. We want someone who makes their point rather than disregarding ours.


We want a relationship in which the other person accepts our shortcomings. Someone who is willing to push us to achieve better in life by supporting us in bringing our positive side to the surface and making the most of our strengths, while also bringing our inadequacies and incompleteness to our attention politely in order to make us understand if required.


I’m not sure if that’s too much to ask in a relationship or if that’s what is needed to make a relationship work. But one thing I am certain of is that if you expect something from someone, you should offer the same.


As it is rightly said – It takes two people to make a relationship work, but just one person to make it fail.

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It’s a Match

A Letter to the Special One

When in Doubt be Kind

When confronted with a difficult situation, our minds have a marvelous way of going into survival mode to protect us. We just want to get through it without drowning, and we may unconsciously push someone else down in order to save ourselves.

We sometimes retaliate without considering the other person, and this might ruin something special. That is why you should always listen before speaking, not every situation is life or death, so remember to be considerate. We must also keep in mind that the other person has no idea what we are going through, and the same is true the other way around.

As a result, give people the benefit of the doubt. And while talking from a place of hurt is acceptable but letting your ego take over is not. Our suffering does not necessitate being insensitive to the other person in order to communicate with them. So, when you don’t know what to do next or how to express your sadness, make the conscious decision to be humble. And when you’re in doubt, be KIND.

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The Journey

A Letter to the Special One

8 Skills to Learn Early on in Life

What makes a person impressive? Is it just outer beauty, money, degree, social status, or job title? One should be conscious of his/her actions, reaction, and words and knows the way to treat oneself and others well.

According to me, here are a few basic skills one should learn early in life to be a successful person in life.

Critical Thinking-

Thinking about things in certain ways so as to arrive at the best possible solution in the circumstances that the thinker is aware of.

Love yourself

You are unique. Nobody is perfect, so it’s okay to be flawed. Be gentle with yourself. Appreciate your small wins. Believe in your own worth.

Assertiveness

It is the ability to be self-assured and confident without becoming aggressive. Be conscious of your reactions and actions. Be respectful of others without losing sight of your main point.

Decision Making Skills

What to say, when to say it, to whom to say it, how to say it, what to do, how to react, and when to react are all choices. And these choices connect us to future life possibilities. Every second of your life, you make a decision. Take your time and make an informed decision.

Emotional intelligence

It is most commonly defined as the ability to perceive, use, comprehend, manage, and deal with emotions. It also assists people in better understanding the emotions of others, allowing them to be a better friend, partner, leader, or a parent.

Communication Skills

Communication is the most valuable skill you can have. Communication is essential to the survival of your relationship.

Self Awareness

It is the conscious knowledge and understanding of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires. If you don’t know what you really want out of life, you lack self-awareness.

Be Generous

Learn to be generous and courteous, because you will be treated the same way you treat others. Stay grounded.

Marital Rape

The News:

Using the outdated exception under Section 375 of the IPC, which states that “sexual intercourse or sexual act by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under fifteen years of age, is not rape”, Justice N K Chandravanshi discharged a man from facing trial for allegedly raping his wife (marital rape).

The High Court was hearing a criminal revision plea by the husband against the framing of charges based on the complaint by his wife. While charges under Section 376 (punishment for rape) were deemed to be “erroneous and illegal”, the court upheld the charges under Section 377 (unnatural offenses) and Section 498A (relating to cruelty to women) against the husband.

The General Narrative:

There are 195 countries in the world and out of these 150 countries criminalizes marital rape and India has never been a part of the consensus. Wondering why? It has been argued on multiple occasions and reasoning that when a person enters wedlock consentingly then he/she consents to the obligation that follows with it and intercourse is one of these moral obligations.

The question arises that is consent involved in these marriages, to begin with. Our country frowns upon love marriages and has a “culture” of arranging marriages. And we all know the story behind them. There is generally little to no contribution in the decision or approval of the people who are actually about to get into the matrimony. And if they do have a say then general emotional manipulation and force have been the best tactic the Indian parents are adequately qualified with. Also, we can’t ignore the reality that a large proportion of girls in our country have faced abuse at home in some form or other and the idea of escaping from that reality does seem like a good idea at first and most of them don’t know about the horrors that are yet to come. So, can we really accept this reasoning as the sole reason for not criminalizing marital rape?

We have also been fed the unreasonable narration that matrimony has always been considered to be a sacred institution and making any rational changes would invite considerable hostility from the public and hence the government or any legal institution has no incentive to pass any such law.

But then I want to ask isn’t women are a part of this “people” label too. Then why are they not included in this conversation let alone be the center of this narrative? Honestly, we all know why. can’t imagine liking forced sex and seeing that as a moral obligation besides the predator himself. But then women have always been excluded. Why you might ask? because if we as a society started recognizing the sufferings of this gender then probably half the things would be illegal.

As if the arguments going around this topic weren’t bizarre as it is it has also been argued that criminalizing marital rape would put the entire family “under stress” and can potentially destroy the institution of marriage. But can it be said that the institution will exist even after such an incident? The answer is yes. It has and always will. Because none of us know the meaning of No, the meaning of consent, and the basic knowledge that Marital Rape is wrong morally and legally (in most parts of the world but not India, so congrats you are safe).

The Law:

Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) categorizes acts of penetration sans informed consent as rape. However, it categorically mentions that sexual intercourse with one’s wife who is over the age of 15 will not constitute the offense of rape. The statutory age of consent was raised from 15 to 18 by the Criminal Amendment Act of 2013.

The fact that there is a law that partially protects the young women of our country is even more bizarre. So, you want me to believe that these young women don’t have the right ability to make the choice regarding sex and hence need to be protected. The judiciary thinks that there are young women who are vulnerable and don’t know enough to make the decision regarding sex and not the fact that they are being forced to do so. Also, if that’s the thought then why isn’t sex education a part of the curriculum already? Further, the legal age of marriage in the case of a female is 18 years of age so what part of the society is this law protecting? Isn’t child marriage an offense anyways?

The Courts of India:

The Kerala High Court delivered a landmark judgment earlier this week that deemed marital rape to be a valid ground for divorce.

In the case at hand, where the appellant forced his sick wife to have sexual intercourse with him, the Division Bench comprising of Justice Kauser Edappagath and Justice A Muhamed Mustaque opined that “husband’s licentious disposition disregarding autonomy of wife is marital rape”. The bench held that while marital rape is not penalized in India, it would not deter the court from recognizing it as an act of cruelty and granting a divorce. Partial win but sometimes something is better than anything.

 A sessions court in Maharashtra gave pre-arrest bail to a man while concluding that forcible sex with his wife was not an “illegal thing” though she said it left her paralyzed.

In July 2019, the Delhi high court dismissed a petition urging it to direct the Centre to declare marital rape as a ground for divorce.

The Blind justice of India

The Coonclusion:

While we may still stay in denial or if I may say hide behind the narration of “sacred institution” and not penalize marital rape for our convenience but the world recognizes the offense. It’s about time we do too.

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The Efficient Government

Picture credit- The Quint

How do you define “the efficient government” Is it the strength of the economy, employment rate, literacy rate, or infrastructural strength? Which one is it? The phrase was termed by Mr. Manoj Jha in an interview with Quint and as the interview progressed the only meaning I could decode is the ability to take accountability, not just for your achievements and success but also for the failure. And before half of the section of the audience concludes that the write-up is gonna blame just the central government till the end of eternity, you are partially right.

They are the ones in power and they are accountable and as Mr. Manoj Jha said if you are comfortable in putting your picture in the proof of a scientific discovery then you need to put your picture in the death certificates too when that very system fails. But was it just the central government that failed- No. The state and central government were needed to work together and come forth the best strategy to fight a never faced before pandemic. But what happened instead was just straightforward disgrace. The state and central government were too busy fighting for the screen time instead of actually fighting off a pandemic.

Who is gonna explain to the state leaders that proving the prime minister of your country is not the priority at the moment, it always was the citizens but then being re-elected is more important than actually working together? And by now if you think, “Yeah, it’s all state government’s fault”, wake up already, the system failed on all levels- be it the central or state. And why just the government, we citizens too failed in upholding the guidelines that were laid down. We don’t care enough to wear masks or going to a crowded place but complain when the numbers of cases go soaring up. We only follow protocol when there is a lockdown then how are we the ones who are complaining about the lockdown.

And the central government stating that we don’t need a lockdown, it will be the decision of the state government was yet another way of shrugging off their responsibility and shifting the blame. The only question I wanted to ask the prime minister of our country- do you not know your own country’s citizens or what. They were never capable of following rules. We are more comfortable is clapping and lighting dias than putting masks and social distancing. But then you were the one bragging about the number of people that turned up for your rally, what I am even expecting.

Credit-Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com

Let’s go back a little to the time right before the second wave. We all pretended like the pandemic was over and everything was under control. What did we do? We went out on vacations, partying, demanding for theatres, gyms, and clubs to reopen. And our government to rallies. Because the healthcare system failing was no big of a deal, right? And as Mr. Manoj Jha pointed out the government still didn’t have the blueprint even after the first wave.

You might deny it but don’t you think the money invested in Projects like Central Vistas and Ram Mandir could have been used to construct hospitals or in funding necessary equipment. You say the healthcare system didn’t fail or collapsed. It actually did but the medical staff were the ones that didn’t let the needy suffer. When the system failed, it was the people behind the system who took the responsibility and stepped up their game. And after all of this, I have to say the government listened the least to these very people.

We were so involved in the dias and clapping stunt of ours that we forgot to follow the exclusive instructions laid out by the top medical personnel of our own country. That is not how you show appreciation. That is a waste of time and as far as I remember there were people on the roads to show support together beating the whole point of it.

Next question, if we are fully capable of showing appreciation then we must be capable of acknowledging sorrow too. If you can do the stunt of showing the worst possible way of showing support (at least they did something) then how about issuing an apology letter to the family of those who lost their lives fighting against Covid. I am not saying take the blame, that it was your fault that they lost their lives but to acknowledge the suffering and sorrow. That is the least one can expect. And before someone asks will it be enough, I would like to answer it anyways-No, but then nothing will ever be. But the fact that you are saying that we see your suffering we acknowledge it and we are sorry will mean a lot than the fake tears we saw previously. Do something, anything at all to make us believe that you still care and all this isn’t just a big marketing stunt.

I want this step just because of the report that was circulated that the state government says no deaths happened because of lack of oxygen. Well, you are right. It happened due to a lack of initiative and proper management. Oxygen was always available in abundance. The tweets, posts that we all saw were a lie, weren’t they? Those cries were a lie. Or the compassion or tears that our prime minister showed was? I want the government to stop denying and starting acknowledging. Because I think this denial is something that is probably hurting a lot of their own supporters as well.

Finally, we all say the system failed, it’s the system’s fault but who is this system exactly? Isn’t it the people? The ones in power that we elected? So, who exactly is accountable? The ones that had the power to make a difference and failed us or us who had the chance to help but we didn’t care enough just like the time of elections? So, should we blame? And if blaming is a solution? And the important one is any of the government, be it central or state, can be termed as an efficient government?

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The Journey

what you see are the thousands of miles before the destination. What I see is are the thousands of steps I undertook to get here. We are not the same.

You see the failure, I see a new adventure.

You see a person not knowing of love because she never had anyone besides her, I see a person struggling to love herself. I see the one who walked along with her always without questioning her- her demons.

You see the incapabilities, I see the struggle and tears.

We both are the two sides of the same coin but it is my journey so I will be the one defining it while you only get to judge it from afar. We are not the same.

You are right, there are thousands of miles before I finish my journey but then the journey ends with me, on my death bed.

You see my unsuccessful attempts, I see them as fun stories to be told.

My journey is not what you want it to be rather everything I have ever wanted it to be.

And I only wish when I finish it and the Almighty asks was I satisfied with my life, I am able to look at him/her and say – Maybe but I was surely happy until the very end.

What I was looking for was happiness even at my worst, to learn to love myself and support everyone else. And that is the journey I wish I have.

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Choice

How far is far Enough?